External Blame

External Blame

abused as a child
and forced to accept
an awkward adult
unable to find self respect
confidence lacking,
self esteem,
no vote of confidence
and no backing
wayward thoughts
something,
to do with the tracking
i think about you,
because as a person
with your fear of, ‘dad’
with your prejudices
and your frightened nature
with your external blame
and emotional disdain
i think about me,
and how at fifteen
that was when i never wanted to be
and how i hoped
that i could meet someone,
if i settled down i could pretend
and hope all the pain
would go away


James Garratt – November 2009