i double dared myself
to almost drown in them
now i sit by the pool
wondering if for all that time
i was just a fool

i feel responsible
because my inner parts
often feel
badly stitched together

should i look back
under,
some kind of duress
view my memories on a different format
blueray, betamax or vhs

i guess,
i always assume that my un-wellness
destroys everything beautiful –
that is ever found

it is not success
it is arrogance
except arrogance is misplaced pride
and it will not back down

why don’t you understand
why don’t you know
and then, that rising panic
that grips you and does not let go

and i do not yearn to be on the wrong end –
of dangerous egotists
maybe working from a home-space
is how i manage my head-space

i slept on the sofa
just for a while
to try and lift the fog

it was grey this morning
i stepped outside
and the cool may air
filled my lungs
and open my eyes