i have to live me –
twenty four hours a day
and sometimes –
the dislike does not go away

because i have seen –
more brains than i ever need
and it is hard to imagine
how you can be left with such need

i am so blunted
and often broken and smashed
every emotions rushes through me
with a deafening crash

sometimes i ashamed
it is not that i do not think –
i am or i can be a good person
just ashamed of how broken i can be

i think about you and i think about them
and i think about,
all the past people
some of whom were once friends

i still think about you
the friend who got away
when we lived together
and when we shared our days

offering security
when your own security is in question
offering love,
when self esteem is dragging your feet

the lake bed i see
the waves,
over you and me

no one is sure who to aim it
there is crossfire,
and grenades thrown back

age
it makes you cross examine past decisions
do you,
put your past decisions on trial?