Here I Am (Again) – Written Friday 11th October 2024 (Aged 49)

Here I Am (Again)

here i am (again)
with feelings that have a firm grip
and a secure hold
my ambitions, my hopes, my dreams
will not be told,
and all of them, so easily told
and again, i struggle to read a script
understand my role,
or exactly where i fit
i did dance for them,
i did,
i danced in the way i thought they wanted me to
and i allowed compliments to fill up my silly head
but words uttered, are just words easily said
they are concrete blocks
in stairwells never traveled
others, they surge ahead,
all of my trauma suddenly feels quite quick
out of the car, tumble my feelings
each of them, repeatedly being sick
here i am (again)
and there is that vice like grip
and why did i think my type of intelligence would fit
why did i think that crowd,
would applaud such sarcastic wit
i gave them my bonfire and watch as it was lit
but it seems the crowd gathered
always knew i could never fit
and here i am again, with feelings unraveling

James Garratt – Friday 11th October 2024

More poems at
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More about this blog, The Boy Behind the Glasses, here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/2020/01/08/the-boy-behind-the-glasses-an-introduction/

More poems from 2024 here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/category/poems-and-writing-2024/