When Will I Learn? – Written Sunday 12th October 2024 (Aged 49)

When Will I Learn

today,
i move about with that impossible stew,
that stew of feelings,
the ones that never truly paint the ceilings.
i move about,
dragging a stew of feelings by my side.
could you imagine how it feels inside?

and then,
next week,
as everyone speaks,
and as they speak their congratulations,
i will be on painful public display,
i will not have a thing to say,
or even any congratulations to come my way

so today,
i move about,
but there is a hole in the stern.
i am resilient,
but resilient to the idea of when will i learn…
so here i am once more,
watching something of me merrily burn.
a stew of feelings,
only causes my stomach to turn.

when will i just accept,
that which seems to be my place?
emotional decisions,
come with such unprecedented haste.
but as i move about,
i wonder what is ever truly new.
as feelings converge,
in this hard-to-digest stew,
and i know,
at this moment, something has broken,
maybe i need to ring my bells.
it is hard, because now, this pain has spoken.

James Garratt – Saturday 12th October 2024

More poems at
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/

More about this blog, The Boy Behind the Glasses, here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/2020/01/08/the-boy-behind-the-glasses-an-introduction/

More poems from 2024 here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/category/poems-and-writing-2024/