Perhaps Shyness – Written Wednesday 4th October 2023 (Aged 48)

Perhaps Shyness

perhaps shyness,
is just not knowing
not knowing how or not knowing enough
because,
once i have read the instructions
i enjoy the chance to show off
maybe,
shyness and anxiety is the not knowing
coping mechanisms,
not really showing
because once i am up to speed
i will entertain the crowds
like i have an unmet need
but… small talk
so much small talk
always seems to be slightly awkward
wanting words,
to find their way and move conversation forwards
i wonder if there is anything else
maybe there is an inherent challenge
when it comes to just being myself
maybe it is my construction
maybe it was the way i once felt
but i am comfortable,
once i have understood the instructions
perhaps shyness,
is just not knowing
not knowing how or not knowing enough
i have learned to scale these difficulties
even when my being has become corrupt
but something still remains
perhaps, just perhaps it is shyness
perhaps it’s all me, perhaps it’s all them
maybe it’s the female role models,
maybe growing up, it was just the men
perhaps i am to blame, perhaps i am not
perhaps it is just shyness,
the type that my worried nature has never forgot

James Garratt – Wednesday 4th October 2023


More poems at
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/

More about this blog, The Boy Behind the Glasses, here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/2020/01/08/the-boy-behind-the-glasses-an-introduction/

More poems from 2023 here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/category/poems-and-writing-2023/