i miss her,
especially at this time of year,
as my professional conundrums
wear a uniform made of tears.

right now,
i hurt…
but in a way that feels…
humiliating.

i have dug deep,
so deep,
past the mud and the clay.

i can’t explain it,
but something –
something almost intangible
has been lost.

you always hope cracks
will be fixed,
covered up,
and never missed.

They look at you
with blank eyes
and I wonder –
what nourishes them