Teenage Return

Teenage Return

when i was a kid
i did not know what i wanted to be
used to hold my hands, and hide my face
dreamed of being an astronaut
and flying into space
when i was at school
when i was thirteen to fourteen
the teacher’s said –
it is time to pursue your ambitions
but i was scared
i hesitated,
had so many inhibitions
i had been kicked about
and i was wrongly kicking back
it was biting and bitching
i was a child on the attack
and i still did not know what to do
it all seemed so complicated
i wondered about being an adult
i wondered –
if responsibility could have waited
but the pressure never abated
i hesitated, because i knew nothing
i tried to cobble together my skills
to fit an image i thought was right
i don’t think it counted how i felt
soon i realised i was heading for disaster
and my life began to melt
in the fire that surrounded my soul
it was deep inside –
people tried to reach out but i was cold
i used to look in the mirror
and stare at my face
i used to wonder whatever happened to –
that kid that just wanted to fly into space

James Garratt – July 1995