Emotional Upside Downs

Emotional Upside Downs

i have tried –
deep in my heart
to give you the stability you deserve
the type of stability –
i have struggled to give myself
i have tried to love you –
because, i do so love you
but there are times –
when i have not cared for myself
and i tried too hard to be everybody else
i have tried
deep within in my thoughts –
to be the ‘boy’
my parents would have hoped for
more than perhaps than the parents
my parents could ever hope to be
or the kind of parents i truly needed
however,
i loved some of them no less
i have tried –
despite my emotional upside downs –
to be the ringmaster
instead of all the clowns
i love you because i do –
uniquely bonded by tragedy –
nightmares made into reality
you and me and never them and us
deep,
deep within me, you have every aspect of my trust

Saturday 1st June 2019