As Far As I Go – Written Tuesday 8th October 2024 (Aged 49)

As Far As I Go

Maybe, just maybe, this is as far as I go.
Because, you know what,
I can’t shake this mood,
and reassurance lies under a throw.
I can’t shake these feelings,
and I do not know what they mean.
I can’t explain this uneasiness,
and yet, somehow, I do not scream.
I can’t accept what is so unfair,
and the taste of this ‘experience’
is not something I ever want to share.

Maybe, just maybe, this is as far as I go.
And anyway, who was I trying to kid?
This has always been an improvised show.
Because in reality,
when I lift the pressure cooker lid,
confidence has nowhere to go,
and self-esteem is barely caught in a sieve.

Anyway, I know I am too sensitive,
too set in my ways,
too reliant on the right kind of breeze.
As my confidence
clumsily tramples through forest leaves.
And anyway, what did I ever really know?
Well, I know
that maybe, just maybe, this is as far as I go.

James Garratt – Tuesday 8th October 2024

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https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/2020/01/08/the-boy-behind-the-glasses-an-introduction/

More poems from 2024 here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/category/poems-and-writing-2024/