My Fearful Boat – Written December 2024 (Aged 49)

My Fearful Boat

i just sit there,
because they do not know my being.
your thoughts,
your feelings—
they do not know them.
but i smile along,
because,
because what else is there?

this idea, that you are an emotional mess,
feels…
well, it feels a little suspect.
actually, it turns my knees to jelly
and my dreams to stone.

i sit here,
me, upon a decaying throne,
wondering what i can draw upon,
or what it is that i can construct.
all these challenges and issues
become my fearful boat—
rejection,
disappointing, child-like parental relationships,
fairness and justice—
it’s all too much.

so i just sit here,
writing chaotic, collapsing notes,
knowing that all my worries and insecurities
are, in fact,
my fearful, my leaking boat.

James Garratt – December 2024

More poems at
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/

More about this blog, The Boy Behind the Glasses, here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/2020/01/08/the-boy-behind-the-glasses-an-introduction/

More poems from 2024 here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/category/poems-and-writing-2024/