Head Full Of Junctions – Written Monday 31st March 2025 (Aged 50)

Head Full If Junctions

I don’t think you understand how hard this has been,
but then how could you?
My head is full of junctions and busy scenes.
I literally drown,
and the more anxious ones become jagged dreams.

I don’t think you can know how it’s been,
but then it would be unfair of me to expect such a thing.
I have clung on to a rollercoaster of self-harm,
I have brutalised my anxiety and folded up within my own charm.

These last few months feel burnt and charred,
and I know how much you love me,
but, dear God, this has been hard,
and yet again there appears to be parts of me not in sync,
working against each other to push me to some kind of brink.

I don’t think you understand how it’s been,
but then these are my failures,
and these are my fault lines,
and not the nature of your being.

I don’t think you can understand how it’s been,
but I know all of your love
and all of your feeling.

James Garratt – Monday 31st March 2025

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