Teenage Hype – Written Approx. Late 1993 or January 1994 (Aged 18)

Teenage Hype

I am just me,
that is all I am.
You are only yourself—
that is all
that we are.
I am not into
teenage hype.
I am getting out
of my teens,
barely alive.
A seven‑year‑long fight:
thirteen to nineteen,
no dream—
so unfair.
Thirteen to nineteen,
living a nightmare.
And I feel
so hollow
and shallow.
Teenage life
is a nasty monster
that eats you
and likes to swallow—
until there is
nothing left.
I have never felt
so much pain.
I have smoked,
drunk,
had sex,
broken down,
laughed out loud—
and wondered why.
I had to have
girlfriends,
but I lost them—
and then
got so upset.
I am just me
and I am sorry—
but what did it all mean
in the end?
I feel like
some emotional car wreck
left on the side
of life’s road—
nothing to do
and nowhere to go.
And yes,
I even feel old.
I am only me now,
a product
of my teenage years—
where I started out
innocent
and ended up
shacking up
with my fears.
Busy trying
to repent.
For some,
I am sure
it was great—
but for others,
it was something
to hate.
I have been
so poor,
and there has got
to be something more.
Hasn’t there?

James Garratt – 1993/1994

More poems at
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https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/2020/01/08/the-boy-behind-the-glasses-an-introduction/

More poems from 1993 and 1994 here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/category/poems-and-writing-1993/ https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/category/poems-and-writing-1994/