Critique – Written April 2021 (Aged 46)

Critique

as i look back
on what i wrote, all those years ago
i find myself, reviewing me
like some complicated –
and at times, not very good film
i pick over decisions
and people and events that have passed
and that reflection,
well eventually, it weighs upon me
and i feel parts of my mind stretched
it is east to feel blame or shame
you can easily forget, easily forget everything
back when, it was all so complex
but as i look back
my crippling lack of social sills
and my undeveloped ways
scream out at me
and i long to find a shelter
where i can quietly rage about my upbringing –
the people and how it left me so ill-equipped
i need some better hands
it is hard, so hard finding myself
offering up critique
on a life and life events that happened so long ago
before we had all melted into routines
when we were barely truly formed social beings
and it is hard, really hard
i am often caught by waves of regret
they hit me and they crash around me
and i step or stagger back, wrestling with reality
often feeling like a condemned suspect
in some island prison looking quite bleak
looking back and reading about me
I am offering up the most painful critique




James Garratt – April 2021


More poems at
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/


More about this blog, The Boy Behind the Glasses, here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/2020/01/08/the-boy-behind-the-glasses-an-introduction/


More poems from 2021 here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/category/poems-and-writing-2021/