Places to Fit – Written Saturday 29th January 2022 (Aged 46)

Places to Fit

there is one part of me
telling me,
i am fucking amazing
and another part telling me
i am not worth shit
there is nothing in-between
and in that moment, nothing fits

i have one part of me,
embedded in nightmares
and another hopelessly in dreams
i have one part of me,
telling me i know more than them
and yet, another part of me,
telling me,
i am really not that clever
that i am simply deluding myself
how can i be fucking amazing
when i can barely put up a shelf?

one part of me,
knocks hard on my brain
and it tells me i am certainly a genius
yet an equal part tells me i am always to blame
and that my self esteem –
it just a cancer that cripples my frame
i can long for the safe middle ground
but contentment comes in fits and starts
and even when its here, it never sticks around
as it watches my mental health fall apart

i am neither fucking amazing,
or just a piece of shit
i veer between the two because i am human
and that is why we all try to find places where we fit

James Garratt – Saturday 29th January 2022

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More about this blog, The Boy Behind the Glasses, here

More poems from 2022 here

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