you did not want to listen
it is hard to talk to someone
when they are dancing with someone else
you just want to change the scenes

observations
only,
you can tell

to think you see me as a failure
to think you prefer new found friend
to think you left my bed –
to sneak back with a plastic heart
while the drum beat was irregular
and the reality was falling apart

this is not the woman i hurt –
yet always adored
this is not the woman i knew
who held me close –
as we grew

the one that got away
it is the one i think of
i was always eager to fish
but my bait was only ever chance
and i was left too many times
looking for a meaningful dance

i should have realised
and then it mattered, held you near
i had to tell you
that i am still dreaming
and i am still a ship, still sailing

i want to hate you,
it would be easier,
i want to rip you to shreds
take sweeter days,
away from my memory bed,

i am afraid
for those with statistics,
readers, friends, money
and the people who have supported them

i let myself down
i have been frustrated for years
looking for a voice
there had to be a reason for all those tears
i let myself down