Never Existed At All
sometimes it is as if –
she never existed at all
like,
well, how do i explain
it is like one of those dreams –
where,
half asleep you forget your name
or,
you have done something wrong
a glimpse –
perhaps of a previous song
i walk and walk
when the backpack of loss –
reminds me of my feet
they are weary from travelling
and, and now we will not meet
with loss,
you just accept
you have to find an acceptable state
where you stop adding up the cost
weighing the grief
but stop wondering –
why you feel so incomplete
and suddenly you are reminded
of an unwelcome knock on the door
time does not heal
at best, it props open the door
into a room –
that you can no long enter
James Garratt – March 2014
More poems at
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/
More about this blog, The Boy Behind the Glasses, here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/2020/01/08/the-boy-behind-the-glasses-an-introduction/
More poems from 2014 here
https://theboybehindtheglasses.com/category/poems-and-writing-2014/
Never Existed At All – Written March 2014 (Aged 39)
The Boy Behind The Glasses. Poetry and Writing 
I love that perception/argument/response to the phrase, “time heals all”. Your metaphor of a room we can. No longer enter is quite interesting!
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Thank you. That’s very kind. This is about loss. My mum became ill and died in January 2013. This is about that. The idea that life goes on and you try to adapt and sometimes, it’s hard ti imagine that they were alive. It’s also about those moments where the loss catches you. Hope everything is good with you.
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Thank you very much for explaining, James. I’m sorry about your loss. You did a great job honoring her through the poem. She will live forever through you and through your work, now.
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No problem 🙂
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