they found the approval
that was never doled out
like pocket money
instead of angry shout

fought demons –
with cold and chattering teeth
i pulled up my duvet
and cowered beneath clean sheets

with a body that quakes
and sometimes you act like a child
one clinging to the fake
someone with a lopsided smile

but…
that is alright
just pretend it did not happen
and hold it in so tight

i feel brave
somehow strong
wondering if optimism
will last that long

who is listening to you?
the children…
the husband…
the friends that do no exist?

they will never know
about the hand that reached out
and tried to take theirs
they will never see it

there is no truth in their face
no warmth in their eyes
just the harshness,
of emotional starvation

Protective someone became protective of me and i felt touched, to the point of guilt the magic of connection a … More

all these –
would have coated –
the delusional things
with a veneer of reality